she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
