M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
