Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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