OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dignity is for republicans.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
