i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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