I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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