Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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