he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
