I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
