Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
