My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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