You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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