Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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