okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
