hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
