i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
