we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
