hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
