we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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