Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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