i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
