I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
