soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
