I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
