I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
