thus making me awesome and them whores
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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