wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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