but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
