So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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