You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
