i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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