just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
