the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
God I need to hump something, right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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