she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
