and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
