i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Please don't give away my fajitas
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