Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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