i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
