Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
