my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Still dying that you shit outside
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
