Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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