I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
