I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
