I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
