Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
