you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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