I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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