I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
