i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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