I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
