sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
