This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
